Changelessness

Since it was a warm but blustery day, I shortened my walk and dropped in on my neighbor and friend Bob to chat, talk about old things and of course people. He had lunch at Stewart’s today and ran into someone who recognized him, but whom Bob did not recognize until after the initial acknowledgement. About 30 years separate the two men in age.

I commented to Bob that I have the same difficulty recognizing people who were students of mine over the years. They have changed more than I have with beards, weight, and so on. All have matured, some more beautiful than others.

I realized in the course of conversation with Bob that one trite turn of phrase that we often use is “You haven’t changed a bit since ….”  I sometimes think that that is an exaggeration or a lie whenever it is spoken, and I must admit that I have used it in the past.

I remember visiting my aunt Fran several or more years ago and I said that to her. She called me on it: “What are you, blind?” She knew that she was different, had put on some weight, and had a difficult life including health issues.I think I was referring more to her movement which appeared as I remembered it, her joie de vivre, her casual, concerned, and light-hearted manner, despite all that she had endured in life. After a bout with cancer, suffering pain that could only be controlled with large doses of Advil, she continued to work in a classy department store, had a great outlook on life, ironed the t-shirts and shorts for her son in law, had a different wardrobe for summer, winter, spring or fall, despite the unending summer of southern California.

So there were a lot of reasons for me to say, “You haven’t changed.”

And then I said to Bob whom I have known for almost 40 years “If I say to you you haven’t changed, you would probably look at me and knowing what you looked like then, retort, “you mean I looked this bad 40 years ago? I’ve been like this for that long! Shoot me!’ “ We had a good laugh about that.

The qualities that are changeless in an individual are difficult to describe. I have noticed that beauty is more than appearances. To know and appreciate a person requires that you go deep to find the true changelessness.