My mother and father were not snobs

My mother and father were not snobs.
Mom did not graduate from eighth grade. She began working as soon as she could to help support her family, attended part-time school, became the first woman merchandiser at Monkey Wards in the area, raised five kids, and aspired that all of them should enter college, and maybe achieve a degree. She was proud of all that we did, whether we were carpenters, teachers, nurses or college professors. I think she was happy to tell people about all of it though. But snobbery was not my mother. Proud, yes; snob, no.

And Dad, he graduated from high school, often joked that he had taken four years of Latin (Latin 1 for two years, and Latin 2 for two years…highly irregular!). He was determined that all of us should go on to some education beyond high school, and also aspired to have  all of us graduate from college. He was pleased when some of us did it in the short time of 4 years after high school.  He was far from snobbery.

Mom and dad were excited when one of us completed a one or two year certificate program. And they were so proud when some of us completed degrees later in life. Completion of college was welcomed and celebrated at any time.
Education was extremely important to my parents. They were a son and daughter of immigrant stock. Higher education was elusive to most of their generation. Secondary education was difficult enough, even elementary school.

They managed to assure that the proper home environment was available so that we could study. They engaged themselves in the process of schooling by sitting with us while we did homework. They made sure that we had library cards so we could continue reading  throughout the year. And they were present at school meetings and teacher conferences when they were held.

I was fortunate to have benefited from their aspirations. As a guidance counselor for over 25 years, I talked of college education to thousands of students, hoping to engage them in similar goals. The district where I worked had a mix of students ranging from those who wanted college to a group who never dreamed of darkening the doors of a college campus. As the years went on, the college going rate at the school rose from about 50% to over 80%. This was partially caused by the rise of community colleges, federal and state incentives (Pell grant, TAP, GSL, etc.), and a real change in the attitudes of the parents and students themselves. Some parents even entered community college the same year as their son or daughter. Aspirations became realities. And these hard working people were not snobs.

And now comes that sorry man, that candidate for the presidency, who calls our current president a snob because he wants people to go to college. He assails the aspiring parents of  college bound young people as being snobs. I wonder if his parents would be considered snobs because he was encouraged to pursue college. Give us all a break.

Encourage us to better ourselves instead of deprecating the ideals and efforts that have made this country great and have improved the lot of so many Americans.  Encourage us to embrace steps that will increase our earning power and make the significant contributions to our society we so desperately need.

I actually know an Oscar nominee!!

As the red carpet filled with motion picture personalities dressed so awesomely beautiful revealing shapely bodies and gleaming teeth, one stood out dressed in penguiny black and white (gleaming teeth, yes), and that was Mother Dolores Hart from the Benedictine monastery in Bethlehem, CT. She left a promising career in Hollywood to join the monastery.

That’s not very far from here, and I had the good fortune of meeting Mother Dolores in the late 1960s at the monastery. A friend and I would make an annual retreat to the abbey, participate in the Latin office, have simple meals in the guest house, and have a spiritual conference with Sister Dolores Hart. She was on one side of the grille, and we were on the other. I think we were allowed to shake hands. I can’t remember what our conversations were about. One may have touched on marriage. I ignored that tidbit and got married within a year or two after that encounter.

Mother Dolores had a singleness of purpose, with her vision solely on her Maker. Nothing was to deter her from that, not even her former fiance who remained her friend and visited her often at the monastery. (That had to be awkward.) The short documentary, “God is Greater than Elvis”, about daily life in the monastery was nominated for an Oscar.

I am glad I met her, happy that she has emerged on the red carpet (she is the only person whom I can say I know who did that) and happy that she is happy doing what she does. In the end, that’s what life is about. And most of  all, I am happy because at the time I met her, I was a man of singleness of purpose, deeply in love with the woman I was soon to marry, heedless of advice, and spend forty, still counting, or so blissful years.

Someday, I will return to Bethlehem, pray in Latin, shake hands, and be thankful for the red carpet of  life, that allows us all to stand tall and smile every day.

Reflection on WH

Nobody said “ Satan did it!” and the general understanding of all who were present or who witnessed the “going home”  of Whitney Houston on Saturday seemed to be that she was continuing her wonderful concerts before the Lord Almighty forever. I believe that Whitney went home, and not to a bad place. I don’t know what goes on there, and nobody does. Home could be rejoicing, or silence; it could mean hanging out with all your friends and relatives in some joyous medium, or the reverential silence of heads bowed in perpetual prayer, or just a cozy box where you become part of the universe along with all those you love who have gone before you and are yet to come.
The important thing is that WH was going home. No judgment, except that she had a great ride here while she lived, and the ride was too short, and stopped too suddenly. She was home.
The emphasis on the good part of her life from childhood to stardom, and influence and no memorable mention of how she transitioned to home shows a tremendous change in the theology of life and death. Probably, a change for the better. There is no fire and brimstone, no fiery pit or everlasting torment for those who escape this world with a sorry death. Rather, a warm welcome by the Father in the home because WH was so good for most of her life.
I hope that applies to all people. I hope we can realize that the Father is more merciful and understanding than any human could ever imagine. I hope we can understand that sin does not make us bad (I know this is a little fuzzy here), although there are things that would not be classified as sin that do. We can recover if people let us and lead us to recovery, and if we don’t, in the end we would probably have done what we could with the opportunities that have been presented to us, and we go home.

Changelessness

Since it was a warm but blustery day, I shortened my walk and dropped in on my neighbor and friend Bob to chat, talk about old things and of course people. He had lunch at Stewart’s today and ran into someone who recognized him, but whom Bob did not recognize until after the initial acknowledgement. About 30 years separate the two men in age.

I commented to Bob that I have the same difficulty recognizing people who were students of mine over the years. They have changed more than I have with beards, weight, and so on. All have matured, some more beautiful than others.

I realized in the course of conversation with Bob that one trite turn of phrase that we often use is “You haven’t changed a bit since ….”  I sometimes think that that is an exaggeration or a lie whenever it is spoken, and I must admit that I have used it in the past.

I remember visiting my aunt Fran several or more years ago and I said that to her. She called me on it: “What are you, blind?” She knew that she was different, had put on some weight, and had a difficult life including health issues.I think I was referring more to her movement which appeared as I remembered it, her joie de vivre, her casual, concerned, and light-hearted manner, despite all that she had endured in life. After a bout with cancer, suffering pain that could only be controlled with large doses of Advil, she continued to work in a classy department store, had a great outlook on life, ironed the t-shirts and shorts for her son in law, had a different wardrobe for summer, winter, spring or fall, despite the unending summer of southern California.

So there were a lot of reasons for me to say, “You haven’t changed.”

And then I said to Bob whom I have known for almost 40 years “If I say to you you haven’t changed, you would probably look at me and knowing what you looked like then, retort, “you mean I looked this bad 40 years ago? I’ve been like this for that long! Shoot me!’ “ We had a good laugh about that.

The qualities that are changeless in an individual are difficult to describe. I have noticed that beauty is more than appearances. To know and appreciate a person requires that you go deep to find the true changelessness.

My Picture

That's me with the pirate uniform on, at age two in the backyard of our house in Troy. Really cute. Some aspects of personality never change. My older brother is in the background. My younger sister is probably in the house, or nearby, because my mother is wielding the camera. The picture was taken with a fold out camera from the 1930s that accompanied my mother wherever she and we went in our early years together. It used 620 film, 8 photos to a rolls. It was dropped off at a local drug store and returned a week or so later, developed with negatives impossible to decipher.

The brick facade of our house was always in need of repair. Dad often pointed it up using his limited masonry skills, but I realize this wasn't his work. We still lived on the first floor, and rented from someone who probably did the patch job.

A Real Valentine or the Grinch who stole Valentines Day

A real valentine brings people together, especially lovers, on a level, honest playing field.

That being said, there has been a  bombardment of ads and features on TV, stores, newspapers, and the www, all purporting to know the perfect gift for your loved one, and they just happen to have it available. One perfect gift featured on a local program was a diamond studded bracelet for only $1000.  If you don’t give this to your loved one (usually a woman- wife, fiancee, girlfriend or lover), poof! goes the love. If she isn’t worth that much, then there is this beautiful watch with interchangeable bands for only $500; and if that is still to pricey for the one you love, get a Pandora bracelet for about $30, and the charms begin at $25 each. Of course if you do this, then you have an inexpensive gift available for next year provided you have the same lover next year. Of course the jewelry people tell you that nobody likes flowers anymore, and the florists have the perfect bouquet for about fifty bucks (forty if you go to the firehouse in Guilderland.)

At any rate, it appears to me that most of the ads pitch things that the man gives his woman so she will continue to love him, as if love can be bought. If it is so, and all this buying is necessary to maintain love, then Valentines day is not for lovers, but an opportunity to buy superficial affection, as if any woman would be fooled by such nonsense. Valentines day could be very, very divisive if the right gift is not given at the right price. Did I just hear the flapping of the cupid’s wings go out the door? That darn Grinch.

Personally, I am a firm believer in courtly love which has high expectations of lovers, especially in the areas of fidelity, longevity, for better or worse, etc. For me and my love, every day of our married life is Valentines day. Fortunately, we agreed on that early in our marriage. So where is the romance? Where is the love? If the world is really celebrating love on Valentines day, we will celebrate, and we do. We do not have outlandish expectations like we may have at Christmas. Rather, we have dinner together, something special in house, light some candles, music and enjoy the love we have. Some times, we will go out to dinner. We have a drink to our love, have a nice entrée, and a decadent dessert.  We are both happy, satisfied and have been deeply in love for over 40years. No avarice, no guessing, no stress. Viva l’amore.

CNN, You Tube and Crazy People

Saturday morning CNN seems like an effort on that network’s part to fill time with stories that are slightly above, no, similar to cartoons… except the cartoons were usually funny. Today we were treated to a sight downloaded from You Tube, ( a really reliable source for everything nutty going on in the lives of people who are trying to create a life for themselves), the sight of a young man firing a revolver at a laptop, not once but seven or so times. He did this despicable deed to teach his daughter a lesson, “She should not disrespect her mother on Facebook.” It shows the man sitting cooly in a chair, then the laptop on the ground, and then the steel revolver. He fires once, into the heart of the laptop, and another, and another, then one for the mother who was disrespected, and then a few more just to show that he emptied his clip on that worthless, evil, disrespectful machine. And the daughter was to pay for a new laptop, and the bullets. All this to teach her a lesson about respect.

I think one lesson she learned was that her father was crazy, and in so far as the mother thought what the father was doing was okay, probably the mother was crazy too. I think the world who saw this spectacle thought the same. And I wonder about CNN (and they are not alone) who brings this stuff to the foreground, and they say it went viral. Does it go viral before CNN and the other cable news stations put it out, or after it has been played dozens of times on the networks? They do this with political stories: Romney not caring about the poor, the $10,000 bet. There was a hate crime attack on the young man in Atlanta, and there is concern that such crime may be emulated by a series of one-up-manship type episodes from gangs around the country (world) all for You Tube and the cable news.

The commentary on this type of video is always done with a wink, like this is strange, but so what. It takes all types. If they are determined to bring these “cartoons” to the screen, into living rooms and breakfast nooks across the world, why not make a legitimate point about the idiot who is firing the gun -like- “Whatever happened to reasonable conversation among family members?” or “Talk to your kids.”  or even “Seek counseling before you go off the deep end.”

Most of all, don’t put a link to it on your website. People do not need that kind of encouragement.